Monday, May 25, 2009
Arthur
In my life, I have had many regrets, but the greatest above all else is how I treated my boy. I have lost count of how any years it has been since I have spoken to him, since I heard his voice. I've tried to tell him that I am doing better, tried to show him that I have turned my life around, yet every time I se a cold, wall of stone. Honestly I cannot blame him though, with all that I did to him he never said a word. All he did was remain stone silent. I forced my son to become that, A man who does not know how to show any negative emotion. A man who des not tell anyone about his struggles in his life and refuses help from anyone. I turned him into my greatest fears. My brother tells me that that he is doing well though. His friends look to him when they are in need, they are his family, and he is their triumphant protector. I wish I could have been his. I can't quite remember where I heard this but I was once told that every saint has its demon to fight against. I guess that is what I am for my son.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Riley
I don't think that I was ever sad around James. No matter how shitty my day had been he could always pull me out of it. He and I dated for two years and it was the best relationship that I have ever had. We met when he transferred schools, he walked in to my French class with his charming grin and I fell for him then and there. Tall, his black hair was close cropped and a disarming smile. His personality was perfect, he could diffuse anyone with a slightly off hand joke and a quick smile. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that it was hard not to fall in love with James. We started dating our senior year and for the next two years it was pure bliss. I never stopped being amazed at how generous he was with what little he had, all anyone had to do was ask and it would be theirs. I still find myself imagining what life would be like had we gotten married, its silly to talk like that now though
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